Counseling, Anime Style
by Kyaki
Summary: Complete:: Meet Rudi, your average anime counseler. With that alone said, it should be enough for you to know her life is nothing short of insane. YYH, RK and IY crossover. Expect stupidity, since this was my first fic.
1. Rurouni Kenshin

Counseling Anime Style

Authoress: Luvsdogz, aided by Chronogirl

AN: This was my first fanfiction, and, as expected, it had many errors. I will eventually get around to fixing it as best I can, but for now it should suffice.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin… too bad.

* * *

"Mr. Himura, the psychiatrist will see you now." 

"I am thanking you, that I am."

"I'm sure you are Mr. Himura." The desk clerk responded awkwardly.

Kenshin slowly walked towards the quiet room he was growing quite accustomed to. Of course, that hadn't meant he enjoyed his stay there, oh no. Kaoru had forced him to go, ranting about how he had speech issues, or some type of schizophrenia. Or both. So, here he was.

"Hello Himura-san, I see you have returned. Please, I ask of you that you don't stomp out of here in frustration like the last time," said a gentle looking woman sitting over in a cushioned chair with a notepad in hand. She motioned to a nearby chair.

"I'll try not to, that I will," he said with a smile before sitting. Reality hit and he smacked his forehead with the back of his palm.

"Himura-san, no need to hit yourself. Injuries wont help you change your ways."

"Okay, I'll behave, that I will." A pause. Realization can sometimes be hard on the mind. Kenshin growled and his eyes flashed a dangerous gold. Two people, once standing on either side of the entrance, tackled him and pinned him to the ground.

"Now, now Himura-san, what have I been telling you these past few weeks?" The woman scolded, before snapping once. A guard stood, taking Kenshin's sakabato. With another snap, the other guard allowed Kenshin to rise, but held him back as the first guard gave the weapon to the counselor. Once it was safe in her hands, Kenshin was released and the guards went back to their places beside the door.

"Hey that's mine, that it is. I'd like that back, that I would," the rurouni said meekly, pointing to the sakabato, only after sparing a nervous glance to the guards to make sure he wasn't going face first into the ground again.

"What have I said about caring weapons around? They encourage bad behavior."

"B-But its mine," he whined.

The woman smiled, "Look, your improving, you didn't say 'that it is' this time."

Kenshin grinned proudly. "You're right, that you are. I feel like a changed man, that I do. I can overcome any obstacle, that I can."

"Yes, yes. That's all well and fine Himura-san. It seems you were able to contain yourself to staying the whole period this time, so," she started, drawling on the last word as she searched for something, which he held out for Kenshin to take. "here is your bill for this week and the thirteen before this." Kenshin's face drooped. "I suppose you can't afford it on your own, so have fun begging Kaoru for the money to pay for it." Kenshin's getting mad, that he is (wink, wink). "And as for now, I shall keep your sword so that it can't be used for mass destruction or something of the sort." Kenshin was undeniably furious by then, and her annoyingly sweet smile wasn't helping. "Have a nice day, Himura-san." Once again, Kenshin's eyes went gold.

"I'm going to kill you that I will! This isn't the last time you'll hear from me, that it isn't! You're a--" Kenshin was pushed out the door by the guards behind it, simply so the authoress a.) could keep the story at a PG rating; and b.) wouldn't have to bother with writing a fight scene.

"I'm ready for my next patient."

" Ms. Kaoru, you're up next," called the clerk.

"YOU WANT ME TO PAY HOW MUCH!?!" Yelled Kaoru, and a strangely high pitched scream was heard, and everyone turned to stare as Kenshin was smashed over the head with Kaoru's bokken. :1:

"Kaoru," the clerk repeated.

"Yeah, I heard ya," Kaoru said, turning and tossing her bokken (now broken due to the force of impact), over her shoulder carelessly. Someone fell to the ground, unconscious, but no one cared to see who it was. She stormed over to the clerks desk. "So, what? Are you gonna force me to go in there or something?!" she exploded (not literally, of course o.o''').

"Just come in Kaoru." The psychiatrist gestured for Kaoru to enter.

"Don't boss me around you little--" The security guards tackled her and covered her mouth so that what she was going to say was muffled. The authoress still wishes to keep this rated PG. ::nod, nod::

"Thank you security." The psychiatrist said politely.

"Yeah! Thanks you insubordinate--" Kaoru was tackled again.

One of the security guards looked up at their boss. "All in a days work maim."

"Kaoru, I'll make them let go of you if you promise not to do anything rash. "

"Whatever, you stupid hippie." The psychiatrist snapped twice and Ms. Kaoru was released from the security guards hold.

Rudi scowled briefly, "Please, call me Rudi. After all, it is my name."

"Ha, I now know what your name is! " Kaoru exclaimed, before breaking out into fits of evil laughter. Rudi snapped and the guards took a straight jacket and shoved Ms. Kaoru into a closet.

Rudi called out, "I believe the Kenshin Fan Club is up next."

"K-F-C, you're next." The clerk repeated. The K-F-C walked in one at a time the last of them went over to the corner of the room and curled into a ball on the floor.

The leader of K-F-C casually walked over to Rudi and said," We are all here on behalf of one of our members, she seems as if she's not in a right state of mind." the leader pointed to the girl hunched over in the corner," Her names Cg."

Rudi noticed that the girl was behaving slightly different than the rest of the group. The room was silent, but there was one voice -cracked, whispering... completely and utterly psychotic (reminding some of Gollum)- that broke the silence. "Battousai's gonna get me, Battousai's gonna get me, I tell you, he's coming to get me man, he's coming to get me!"

Rudi spoke, "I see nothing wrong with this girl, but _you,_ leader, see her as being insane." A pause." Guards, take away." The guards put a straight jacket on the leader and opened the closet door.

From inside the dark void Kaoru's voice called out, "Hi, what's your name? Tell me, tell me, Tell me, Tell Me, TELL ME!!!!!" The guards tossed the leader of K-F-C inside and slammed the door shut.

Not seeing any reason to be here any longer, all the girls exccept for Cg left. Cg stood up and walked over to Rudi. Grinning, she said: "So Rudi, did you like my performance?" Rudi nodded." Well, here's the money I promised I'd give you if you succeeded in removing the leader." Cg handed three hundred dollars to Rudi. "They're sure to make me... leader.... now..." She trailed off as she noticed Kenshin's sakabato, tossed carelessly to the side. " Is.. It that what I think it is? Kenshin's sakabato…" she whispered in awe. "I must have it! How much would you like, Rudi?! Moneys not a matter!"

"Take it," Rudi said casually. "Next week, come in about 8:00, you can get Kenshin himself, it would get him off my back." Cg fainted; Rudi snapped her fingers and the guards took Cg, along with her now prized possession, out to the waiting room.

"Megumi, you're up." The clerk said.

"Do you have a dagger I can… borrow?"

"Go into the room Megumi."

"Darn." She walked in trying to slit her neck with a paper from a magazine the whole way.

"Paper-cuts won't kill you Megumi."

"Oh they won't….?" She sulked, but quickly recovered and shrugged to herself. "At least I tried." She paused to look at Rudi hopefully. "You don't happen to have any sharp objects, poisons, or deadly weapons around, do you?"

"Actually, I just gave Kenshin's sword away to a person in the Kenshin Fan Club."

"NOOOOOOOOO…" she kept on screaming without taking a breath, probably trying to suffocate herself. Rudi smacked Megumi, causing her to take a quick breath. "Rudi, I was about to die! Why is it so wrong to be suicidal in these modern times?" Rudi snapped again and Megumi joined the other two in the closet.

"Sanosuke?" the clerk called, knowing Rudi was going to ask for her next client soon. There was no response. Apparently he had to be rushed out to the hospital after some freak accident with Kaoru's bokken 'magically falling from the sky'.

* * *

:1: - Kaoru's the one with the bokken, ne? I get confused with that and the shinai (which I believe is Yahiko's weapon). 

This is the rewrite of the original version, I hope its better.


	2. Yu Yu Hakusho

Counseling, continued.

Warning: Slight Kuwabara bashing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. . . life just isn't fair. . .

"Oh no, Sano's next, I cant stand him. Well, we've done enough characters from Rurouni Kenshin anyway. We'll just skip his appointment." She called to the clerk, "Botan from Yu Yu Hakusho is next."

"Botan. You're next."

"Bingo, you win the prize."

"Right-o then." Botan walked into the room.

"Bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo, bingo..."

"Have you been practicing not saying bingo lately?"

"I've – bingo – tried – bingo – but – bingo – it's – bingo – hard – bingo – to – bingo – not – bingo – say – bingo – bingo."

"What have you done to practice not saying bingo within the last week?"

"I've – bingo – only – bingo – gone – bingo – to – bingo – the – bingo – bingo – bingo – hall – bingo – seventeen – bingo – times."

"Is that seventeen times daily, or throughout the course of the week?"

"Daily. Bingo."

"At least it's better than last time. Shall we continue?"

(Singing to the tune of there was a farmer had a dog) "There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and bingo was its bingo. There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, bingo I-N-G-O, bingo I-N-G-O, bingo I-N-G-O, and bingo was its bingo. There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, bingo bingo N-G-O, bingo bingo N-G-O, bingo bingo N-G-O, and bingo was its bingo. There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, bingo bingo bingo G-O, bingo bingo bingo G-O, bingo bingo bingo G-O, and bingo was its bingo. There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, bingo bingo bingo bingo O, bingo bingo bingo bingo O, bingo bingo bingo bingo O, and bingo was its bingo. There was a bingo had a bingo and bingo was it's bingo, bingo bingo bingo bingo bingo , bingo bingo bingo bingo bingo, bingo bingo bingo bingo bingo, and bingo was its bingo."

"No, I can't say you've improved one bit."

"But – bingo – I – bingo – got – bingo – some – bingo – normal – bingo – words – bingo – out."

"Okay, you've improved a tiny bit, by next week I want you to only attended between ten and fifteen games of bingo."

"I'll – bingo – try."

"I'll see you next week." They waved goodbye, Rudi called to the clerk, "Next."

"Yukina." Yukina stood up and walked into the room.

"Why hello Rudi."

"Hello. Why do you have an appointment here? I thought you were one of the few sane characters from your show."

"So did I, but apparently I'm insane because I like ugly people, go figure."

Rudi sat there and imagined a picture of Kuwabara in her mind," Eww."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Please, its okay, you can tell me."

"IT WAS NOTHING."

"Right, well if I'm fine, I'm gonna leave, okay by you?"

"Perfectly fine, have a nice day." Rudi said in a fake cheerful voice. Once Yukina left, she said," That is one disturbed child. . . next."

"Yusuke."

"Yeah, yeah I know."

"Hello Yusuke, what brings you here?'

He said in a disturbed tone of voice, "Well, you see. There was this one scene me and Kuwabara had to do, and the director just couldn't get the right angle."

"I see, continue."

"Um- have you ever seen the episode where I got revived."

"Yes."

"That one part that I displayed the messages to the three people? "

"Yes."

"And Kuwabara got his message. . . ."

"Yes, I've seen the whole episode."

"That one scene was shot over fifty times. I'll be disturbed for life."

"You mean the one where you and Kuwabara kiss?"

"Aah, don't say that! My ears they burn! Aah!" he fell over and screamed non-stop for the next thirty minutes.

"That's quite enough." Yusuke stopped screaming and stood up calmly.

"You're right, bye 'till next week."

"Good bye. Next!"

"Kuwabara, you're-"A little girl shrieked, a wolf howled, a mirror broke, Yusuke screamed like a little girl, a bird died, and a baby cried. "Ugly."

"Don't you come in here you ugly-"Rudi screamed.

"Rudi!" One of the security guards interrupted.

"Sorry, but he is. Don't you take one step into this office you, you ugly thing, you'll poison it! I'll have my guards tackle you before you do!"

"But Rudi, it's so ugly, you can't expect us to actually touch it."

"I'm warning you!" She screamed at the ugly one, ignoring the security guards plea's. Kuwabara turned around and got slapped by Keiko numerous times before falling on the ground unconscious.

"Ha, take that." Keiko said defiantly. She slapped the door open and sat down. "I believe I'm up next."

"Yes you are." Rudi said, looking down at her schedule. When she looked back up, Keiko had dragged Yusuke into the room, and started slapping to get him to shut-up.

"Yusuke, I swear, if you don't shut your mouth, I swear I'm gonna kick your. . . no _slap_ your-"

"Keiko, I'd prefer you not use such words."

"What, you don't like the word face?"

"Sorry, I thought you were going to say something else."

"Ooh. . . Yusuke, I said shut-up!" she had slapped him as the conversation was being carried out, and finally hit him so hard he stopped screaming.

"Um- guards, put her in the closet, I feel unsafe." She said so Keiko couldn't hear her.

"Right." They took Keiko and tossed her in the closet. Yusuke was tossed in as well, due to the fact that Keiko refused to release her grip on his shirt.

"Next victim- I mean patient." Rudi said.

"Kurama." Kurama walked in and sat down.

"Hello Kurama."

"Hello Rudi." He said in that smooth, calm voice he always has, "I guess your wondering why I'm here. Am I not right?"

"You are, please, explain."

"You see, my truest name is Youko, I was a fox, a spirit fox."

"Uh huh. . ." Rudi wasn't listening to a word he just said, instead she was starring him. "Right. . ."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Uh huh. . ."

"Your not! That's it I'm leaving. . ."

"No you're not! Security!" The security people grabbed one of his arms a piece.

"SSSSSssss. . . " there was a sizzling noise as their cold hands touched such a hot surface. They brought him over to a different, more roomy closet and placed him inside. The door was locked and Rudi said, "I'll talk to you later. Next."

Ld: Review responses -

Maddgollum89: Uh..... riiiight...

Blue-katana-girl: I fixed it, I did! I'll let you join the KFC, then you can compete against Cg for new leader!

Imevil666: Krystal..... you're weird, you know that, ne?

Chronogirl: Glad you liked.... but Yoko wasn't in that chappie O.o

Kikoutei-hiryuu: I'm HIT! ::flails arms around wildly::


	3. Inuyasha

Disclaimer : Don't own InuYasha. . . man, this is a real drag.

" Should we start bringing InuYasha characters in now?" the clerk questioned.

" Yes."

" Next up is Miroku."

"Will you-"

"No," the clerk said, not even need him to compete his statement.

"Why not," He complained.

"You're a sick minded oddball," She answered dryly, as the two famous guards pinned his hands behind his back. They then proceeded to push him into the room, and let go before walking back to their places behind the door.

Rudi looked over at Miroku, then smiled "And before you ask, no."

"Why won't anyone bear my child?!" Miroku whined, stamping his foot against the ground like a child who was denied the toy he so desperately wanted.

Just then, a swarm of rabid fan girls invaded the room, "WE'LL BE HAPPY TO MIRKOU!!"

Miroku grinned ear to ear. "Never mind the counseling Rudi, I think I'll be juuuuuust fine."

And he left, thousands of drooling and ravenous fan girls in tow.

Rudi blinked, and shook her head, sighing. "Next."

"It seems that two people are scheduled now, is that allowed here?" the clerk questioned.

"InuYasha and Sesshoumaru?"

A few papers were shuffled, "Yes, those are them."

Rudi sighed. "I've told them before, I'm an anime specialist, not a family counselor."

"Should I tell them to leave?"

"No, send them in," Rudi answered with a defeated tone.

"Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, you're up," the clerk called.

Both looked over to the desk where the clerk sat and paused their fight. Sesshoumaru's hand stopped its green glow and he pulled it back instead of putting it through his half brothers stomach. Inuyasha sheathed Tetsuaiga grudgingly.

They both walked into the office where Rudi still sat calmly, waiting for them and looking through the notes she had on their past together.

"It seems, from what I see here, that you too can be rather destructive when put in the same room."

"Its because that rude half brother of mine stole my bike when I was four... FOUR!!" Inuyasha started.

"Be quiet. You know it was my bike anyway, I was only letting you see it when you ran off with it." Sesshoumaru broke in.

"Don't you two start arguing," Rudi ordered, but it was already too late.

"YOUR bike? I'll show you!!" Inuyasha lunged at Sesshoumaru and the two became stuck in a dust cloud fight.

"Um... guards, would you be so kind?"

"Nuh uh. We're not that dumb."

"Guuuuaaaarrrrddddssss," Rudi growled out.

"Um... no problem Miss Rudi. We'll have 'em stopped in a jiffy!," they happily chided out and broke the fight up.

"Thank you."

"Our pleasure ma'am," one said, even though he had a nasty looking hole in his shoulder because of Tokijin. The other took the swords away, mumbling about them being like Kenshin, so untrustworthy with a sword.

"Are you two going to play nice now?" Rudi asked between gritted teeth, feeling a headache coming on. They nodded mindlessly, those real people could be scary sometimes. (a/n: Get it, they're anime characters. Real people, ha ha? Or not...)

"Good. Now hug and make up."

They did. Well, Sesshoumaru tried his best to, but it was hard with just the one arm.

"I'm sorry about riding off with your bike."

"I'm sorry, it was actually yours, I lied." They both broke into full out tears.

Rudi picked up the walkie talkie that was at her side. "We've got another emotional breakdown. Room three fourteen, anime psychology."

A staticy response came from it. "Not another, that's the fourth one this week."

"Yup."

"We'll be down immediately." Not two seconds later, people dressed all in came down and pulled the sobbing duo out the door and down the halls.

Rudi looked a bit sad, "The next thing you know, they'll be chibi. It's a sad, sad world these days.... NEXT!!"

"Kohaku."

Kohaku strided into the room, a large smile across his face. "I don't know who I am anymore, someone erased my memory."

"Then how'd you know it was your turn to come in here?"

Kohaku shrugged, still grinning, strangely.

"Oookay," Rudi drawled. "So you have a case of amnesia, it seems. I'm sorry, but I can't do anything to help you."

Kohaku's face went blank and he pulled out his weapon, preparing to attack Rudi.

Rudi paled. "G-guards...." she choked out.

And, of course, they dragged him outside.

Composing herself, Rudi sat upright in her chair. "Next."

"Uh...." the clerk started warily. "It seems Kohaku stabbed the next client."

"Good, I don't think I would be able to stand listening to Naraku rant about his evil plots of deceit again," Rudi sighed. The stress was starting to get to her.

Screams were coming from the other room where a fight had broke out against Kohaku and nearly everyone else. Apparently some people had really liked Naraku's pointless rants about how to make people miserable.

Rudi stood up. "I quit."

Maybe there's a reason why most anime characters are as twisted as they are, with no one to counsel them. The world may never know....

* * *

Ld: Well, I'm finally done. I didn't want to drawl it out any longer. So, I hope you enjoyed the fic while it lasted.

Review responses:

Theminorukun: Hi Cg, I know who you are!

Tb: You sure about that? Lol j/k

Bluekatanagirl: I'm working on fixing the typo's, I am!

Tl: Hi... bingo.

Knajo wa ore no Hikari: Thankies, glad to hear you like.

Dragonladysupreme: o.o I did forget Hiei! How dare I!!

UF78: STALKER!!

Kikoutei-hiryuu: I'm working on fixin' things, I am!

Review please!


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